After 10 years in marketing, I still don’t know what a shadowban or a Lightroom preset is – so I made a tutorial.
A.k.a. the dictionary of buzzwords you hear in meetings and pretend to understand, so you don’t look like a boomer (another trendy term), even though you have more experience than half the room combined.
A – Algorithm
The mysterious higher power that decides whether your post will reach a thousand people or just your mom. You can “trick,” “crack,” or “break” it – though no one knows how.
B – Brandbook
The brand’s Bible. A document no one reads, but everyone pretends to know by heart. It’s used to say, “That’s against the brandbook,” when you don’t know what to say.
C – CTA (Call To Action)
A call to action, like: “click,” “buy now,” “subscribe,” “don’t miss out,” or – in influencer speak – “link in bio, fam!”
D – Digital Nomad
Someone working from Bali, sipping coconut water, and posting stories pretending to finish an important presentation, though it’s just a mockup from Notion.
E – Engagement Rate
The holy grail of brand collaborations. It’s not about the number of followers – it’s about how many liked, commented, or at least yawned at your post.
F – Feed
Your digital storefront. It must be cohesive, aesthetic, and preferably in one color, because life is perfectly color-coordinated, right?
G – Giveaway
The internet version of a freebie. Usually: “Like, follow, and tag 18 friends” to win a soy candle and a floral planner.
H – Hashtag
Magic spells. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. But if you don’t use them, no one will find your “authentic” croissant photo.
I – Influencer
Once: an Instagram celebrity. Now: anyone with over 3,000 followers and a desire to promote vitamins with a 10% off code.
J – Journey (Customer Journey)
The map of a customer’s journey. From “I see an ad” to “I spend too much.” Sometimes it ends at “I added to cart and forgot.”
K – KPI (Key Performance Indicator)
A term you can throw into any presentation to sound professional. No one knows how to measure it, but everyone pretends KPIs are sacred.
L – Lightroom Preset
A filter for your photo that makes your coffee look like it’s from sunny Tuscany, even if you’re drinking it in your kitchen in a promo tracksuit.
M – Mockup
A simulated design that looks like something already exists. Like: “Here’s our app. For now, it’s PowerPoint.”
N – Newsletter
A message you spend hours writing, analyzing CTR, and then only 6 people read it, half of whom are your coworkers.
O – Organic
Reach without paying. A myth. Unless you’re a cat, a baby, or accidentally went viral.PetDesk
P – Performance Marketing
“We’ll buy ads and somehow it’ll work.” Usually does – unless you burn the entire budget on the word “shoes” in Google.
Q – Quality Content
Something everyone wants to create but no one can define. It could be a great tip, a pretty photo, or just a funny cat. Sometimes, quality content is just anything that gets clicks.
R – ROI (Return on Investment)
What the boss asks, and you pretend it’s somewhere in the report. Meaning: “Was it worth it?” The answer is usually: “It depends…” and then you change the subject.
S – Shadowban
The internet’s Bigfoot. Everyone talks about it, no one has seen it. But if your post has less reach than usual, it’s definitely because of a shadowban. Or Mercury in retrograde.
T – Target Group (TG)
The target audience, i.e., the imaginary persona: “Kasia, 28, into yoga, eats hummus, and has a dog named Tosia.” Doesn’t matter that the real audience is her dad and the neighbor from the third floor.
U – UGC (User Generated Content)
Let users do the work for us. Photos, reviews, videos. Then we just repost with the caption: “Your feedback means the world to us ❤️.”
V – Viral
The holy grail of the internet. What you want but can’t plan. Usually happens by accident when you post something unplanned at 2 AM and wake up famous.
W – Workflow
The organized way of working you establish with the team… then no one follows. But it sounds professional on the status update.
X – (UX – User Experience)
No, it’s not the name of a TikTok guy. UX is how the user “feels” in your app, on your website, in your store. Meaning: does it hurt, or will they happily click “buy now.”
Y – YouTube Strategy
A 3-month publishing plan that ends with 1 video and forgetting the channel password. But it looks good on the slide.
Z – Reach
What everyone wants but preferably without spending money. It can be organic (i.e., luck), paid (i.e., budget gone), or ego reach – “everyone’s talking about me” (even if it’s just mom and a high school friend).
💥 Bonus:
Buzzword – A word that sounds smart but loses meaning after 5 uses. Perfect for PowerPoint slides and conference presentations.
Brief – A document that was supposed to be short but turned into 17 pages of poetry.
Persona – An imaginary person for whom we create content, even though Uncle Wiesiek will see it anyway.